People frequently ask me how I spend my time now that I don’t have a job, and I frequently struggle to answer. It always starts to sound like I do nothing on most days. This doesn’t line up with my perception, since I’m rarely bored, so the other day I tried to track how I spend my time.
I tend to rotate through my interests, playing around with each one for as long as I stay engaged. I’ll pick up my tablet and draw for an hour. Then I’ll open substack or my notes and noodle around until I get frustrated or tired. After that I might rearrange some bits on my website, or write a tweet. I’ll tinker with whatever’s on my desk; yesterday, I was programming a pen plotter to draw vector art on canvas. I might slouch into my chair and think about physics for a while—although I’ve felt somewhat blocked on this front recently.
Often, I’m not up to anything spectacular, productive, or even particularly difficult. I find that, most of the time, I like to stay well within the limits of my abilities. Repeated frustration is the enemy of motivation, and I’m playing the longest of games. Each day is simple and slow, best savored over a pot of steaming sencha. Each day I tend the garden, attentively, diligently.
Some days are different. On some days the cumulative work of the past months and years breaches the surface of my mind and surges skyward in a torrent of heroic creation. In an instant the blindfold comes off and the rocks I’d been faithfully stacking in the dark take shape as crenellated parapets of the greatest of forts. Those special days swell into the paragraphs and chapters of my life, forcing everything else unceremoniously into the margins.
Instead of spending time like currency, and demanding something in exchange, I prefer to imagine my time burnt as an offering.
Usually, nothing happens.
Usually.
"I find that, most of the time, I like to stay well within the limits of my abilities. Repeated frustration is the enemy of motivation, and I’m playing the longest of games". But at some point, you must have pushed the limits of your abilities regularly, which is why they are greater than average at this point?
I adore this line 'Instead of spending time like currency, and demanding something in exchange, I prefer to imagine my time burnt as an offering.' and keep coming back to it.