Welcome to hell

If you behave just right people will like you. If you behave just right, like we do, people will give you what you need. If you put effort into the right things, plan everything carefully, you just might be successful, and then people will respect your opinions. Don’t want any of that stuff too badly though—lust is greed is selfishness is bad. We know you’re better than that. You care about making the world better, right? It’s your responsibility, after all. You owe it to the world. You don’t think so? Is something wrong with you? What about everything the world has given you? Everything you have is because of us. Everything is because of us. The world is a wonderful place, don’t you see that? Don’t you SEE THAT? And you have the ability, no the responsibility, to make it better. Why aren’t you working harder? Don’t you see that if you worked harder you could make the world better? We’re all making the world a better place, and we’re good, so if you’re not doing that, then what are you? What must you be? Take a guess. And you know what happens to those people

People…? People are everything. The world is its people. Each person with their unique story. Beautiful. Tearing up now. Don’t you want to just meet each person and drink their very essence? Slurp the very oil that greases their being? Beautiful. imagine it on your lips

Maybe you’d be happier if your actions were more meaningful. How about doing our bidding? Over at our place we farm a nematode worm that secretes methyl-3,5-meaninglobin in its [redacted]. We mash em up into guacamole on fridays for our entire community—family, really. Interested?

You need a community. If you could just see how much you’re missing—how cold and meager your experiences are—you would jump right into the welcoming, moist warmth of our community. And there… that, truly, is human connection. Which you lack.

You just need to express yourself. You’re a human after all. Humans are infinitely interesting. The most interesting. To be human is to be interesting. We’re always on the lookout for interesting people. Keep working on it and there’s a cage in our zoo with your name on it. Pinky promise

Dude we’re just trying to help you fix yourself. At this rate it’s all over for you. You’re bad and broken and you need meaning, purpose. We can fix you. You just need to recognize the beauty of the world. You just need to love us. Love us. If you just love us you can have it all. But if you don’t you can’t. Look at you now. Wretched. Why can’t you just love us?